Tairngir tellings

I felt it brush my face in the chill morning breeze,
I heard it's whisper in the silent conversations,
I saw it in every strangers blank desperate face,
I walked in it down the road and faced it round every bend,

I awoke in utter oil blackness with it screaming,
Your sobs and retches pulled something demonic from deep,
I stumbled in a haze stinking of fear knowing in my ignorance,
You rushed past me brushing onto me your darkness,
I looked wildly around spotting your memory on the table,
I peeked gasping in a silent horror; beginning to pray,
You had gone in that run-away, one way car,
I was praying constantly as I rang out warning bells for help,
You were hurtling towards the end, stopping now and then to make sure,
I finally reached a fellow warrior more battle hardened than I,

I was most earnest with every word I spilled,
You were stuck looking at a plastic bright past,
I was praying that you would allow a true, beautiful future,
You had seen love turned to twisted ends with bitter roots,
I was then completely selfish; wondering what if he does end,

It had the strongest hold over you blinding eyes: death,
It had been sapping you longing for that final feast: death
It had swirled about my head and I had been lost: death
It now sought ultimate destruction, it had it's prize in sight: death
It was thwarted by Grace, it was cast down by love: death

Expression. It’s such a key part of being human. It can be so life giving, cleansing and beautiful. I can get trapped in the desire for comfort that I stop challenging and asking and unleashing. I find a comfort zone and relax. I’m sure there is real worth in that. I believe in rhythms and seasons of life. But it literally feels like a part of me slumbers, due to injury and exhaustion usually. Thankfully there is recovery and the questioning, seeking part of me awakes and yawns and asks: ok what now…

So What now? I’m not entirely sure but it has something to do with living in community differently; more lively and alert to life. Less scared of nonconformity and enboldened by God and our trust in Him. Trusting that He won’t let us go or reject us for exploring. We had a taste of this last year when we lived in Bristol and were part of a small group that met in a coffee shop once a week. We could ask any question, share our thoughts and not even sense condemnation or ridicule. Ah! to explore in that atmosphere more would truly be life changing, I believe. To be a part of a group that will ask the big questions, or the small ones and feel free and loved in their world view and choices. I want to know this is possible and even encouraged. I really think it’s what God is calling for: exploration and expression within a community of love. So what now? I’m not sure but I’m thinking and am hopeful once again.