Wow where to start? My head is full to the brim with thoughts many and conflicting. What a journey this past year has been. Adventure is a good thing to be sure. I have this characteristic that is fairly common I think. I like to know what's coming. I like for there to be a sign post for the forks in the road ahead. Learning to walk this path as a one person unit, I was just getting the hang of that. Now I have to learn how to walk life holding hands and communicating with another. It is wonderful and so life giving. But I don't know how to do it. I am scared that I will mess it up and that was ok when only I suffered as a result but now all I do effects very directly another. Another I love above myself; at least when i take my eyes of myself.

I feel I have veered off a sunlit boulevard and in a foolhardy and bold spirit chosen to tread into a dark and vast cavern with only a spluttering candle to light but one step in front. In this I am not saying that the choice is incorrect or that the road is dark because of any wrong motive but I feel lost, and very unsure of my footing. I also feel that I walk with a sack of large rocks over my shoulder. (Picture santa without the costume and not so nice presents.) Now there is a major fork before me. LIke that scene in The Fellowship of the ring when they are in the mines of Moria and Gandalf the guide knows not this place or the way to take. In the bowels of the earth where it is darkest and indecision plagues the heart and you wish not to tarry for any amount of time. You are forced by circumstance and by your own heart to stop, consider and lay the bag of rocks down. You whisper gently into the black curtain that surrounds; your options. You moan almost inaudibly to the stone ceiling who's thickness you can only guess at; that your prostrate pose is indicative of your inner self. Prone and with pain in your burdened-back you sob out a "help". You knew you couldn't do this alone but for some reason that's exactly what you found yourself doing. Tears start to trickle down into your ear canal bringing a blessed deafness. Now only the inner ears can hear and you listen uninterrupted. "When in doubt Ross always follow your nose."

"Your judgement is not an inconsiderable thing nor should it be burdensome to have choice. It really isn't as dark around as your human eyes see. In fact you are still treading the boulevard. But alone and afraid.

Picture: opening your arms to embrace the counsellor and giver of hope and see that in this pose you cannot again pick up the sack of rocks that sit but one metre away and haunt you terribly. Left or right? It is your choice that I honour and respect. But leave the sack where it lies. I will take care of it."

"Oh one more thing. Can I come with you?"

Ha! that voice so familiar and wonderful and terrifying and lovely all at the same time. Yes the choice to make first is not left or right. It is the right choice first to wholeheartedly chose Him with my heart and holding another's hand.