I have allowed my heart to be hardened and my eyes to become blurred by a protective antipathy. I have struggled to read scripture and even more to meditate on what lay within disallowing the shaping of my heart. The enemy for a time won. He won a battle fought by bludgeoning my heart with negativity towards my faith as a follower of Jesus and a blurring of the goodness of the scriptures that tell of our God loving and working with his children to bring them back home. My soul has been through a fight for its heart of hope as it has been turned from the Father towards a world that is still allied to evil.


I have had to cling to God with skeletal fingertips just so as not to lose all sense of direction and purpose. I now see the tactics of the assault, the attack was a two pronged act of attrition on what makes me me; My desire to read scripture turned into a fear (of reading) due to it being continually used to attack people and encourage hatred and division. The passionate longing I had to be still and know was eradicated by lies made against the Father’s heart and His grace that transcends feeble understanding and limits. An old and cunning tactic to deploy against ones foes was used; one that espionage and spy masters would be proud of. Winston Churchill summed it up “A lie is best disguised between two truths.”


The truth is people do use scripture to wound to condemn and to hide behind. The other truth is that God’s grace is so far beyond my understanding that how dare I or anyone else put their own limits on it. The lie was that because someone says they are a Christian and is quoting scripture and says what they are saying in a church that it is undeniably God’s heart being reflected. The furthering of the lie which I and others fall into often is that noise and bluster equate a passion that must come from speaking God’s will. How often did Jesus shout? When did we see Him advertising Himself to appear grand and impressive? Is this not a God who reached down to pick up children to bless them and love them? Did He not cast out the corrupt businessmen out the temple and then invite in cripples and outcasts breaking all the “official” rules. Don’t the actions of Jesus often baffle and confound the wise and offer hope to those humble enough just to say “Yes Lord.”


The truth is I can share anything and everything with my Father without fearing condemnation because His son is my righteousness. I don’t have to know all the answers to follow my God. I’m allowed doubts and fears and can bring them before the king because He does not abandon those who search for Him. I have had several instances in my life recently that have acted as a de-scaler for my spiritual eyes. And words of truth spoken in love that have softened my heart of stone to make it more flesh like again. I can again take infantile steps in faith knowing that I am not abandoned to sin and death and that His quiet truth is much more powerful than the loudest lies.